My answer to your question what will happen next. 51#M

Adventure and  home is about what I will talk  now. And  maybe I could say adventure against home. I am thinking a lot about it for last days. I am trying to visualize my future. It is that I would like to get to one conclusion, that will bring me some order or maybe peace.  And my thinking does not bring me anyway. I am always finding myself in another memory.

So let try from another root. Let talk what home is. It is a place where you feel secure and if that is also family, you will get also love there.  It is place where will you feel on the warm. Suddenly, I am getting  out with desire. Is it congruence with loneliness? And now I will jump to routine and slavery. I am aborting any thought which could bring me something bright. What is happening? Like something is telling me to stop and wait.

After of 8 months of living in action I am now at point of going toward emptiness. And it has some logic in it. Tereza is waiting. She is not my center any more. And now I am finding me in another world, alone, a stranger. I have to discover new philosophy to function. But as first I have to say good by to old.

Moj odgovor na tvoje vprašanje:  kaj se bo zgodilo naslednje.

Aventura in dom  je to, o čem bom govoril zdaj. In morda bi lahko rekel avantura proti domu.  Razmišljam precej o tem v zadnjih dneh. Poskušam vizualizirati mojo prihodnjost. To je zato, ker bi rad prišel do enega sklepa, ki mi bo prinesl nekaj reda ali morda mir. In razmišljenje me ne pripelje nikamor. Vedno znova se znajdem drugje  v spominu.

Torej bom poiskusil drugače. In govoril o tem, kaj je dom. To je kraj, kjer se počutimo varne, in če je to tudi družina,  dobite tudi ljubezen. To je kraj, kjer se boste počutili na toplem. Nenadoma se prbuja hrepenenje. Ali zaznavam osamljenost? In zdaj bom preskočil na pojem  rutinie in suženjstva.  Prekinjam vsak tok misli,ki bi mi prinesel karkoli svetlega. Kaj se dogaja? Kot da bi mi nekaj govorilo naj se ustavim in čakam.

Po 8 mesecih življenja v akciji sem zdaj v točki, ko grem proti praznini. In tudi je nekaj logike v stvari. Tereza čaka. Ona ni več moj center. In zdaj se pričenjam zavedati, da sem v drugem svetu,sam, tujec. Moram odkriti novo filozofijo, da bi funkcjoniral. Ampak najprej se  moram posloviti od starega.

 

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